This 3 weeks, i keep telling myself that i don't even bother. I keep telling my friends that i don't bother. But they have no idea that actually every moment I'm thinking about you. Before the day start, the first thing that i thought of is you. Before the day end, the first thing that i thought of is again, you. When i can't sleep, i think of... you, once again. You're just the only topic that i can think of when there's so much other topic for me to think of. You're just the only one that i want to think when there's so many other people that are worth my thinking. My friends thought that i was able to live a life without you and strong enough to cope a life without you. I thought i could too, i thought i could just move on with my life, not thinking of you, not bothering about you, not looking at you, but I've lied to myself for 3 weeks. I've lived in denial for 3weeks. 3 weeks. 3 weeks not being with you. 3 weeks, how did i even manage to that? 3 weeks, trying not to be with you.

Today starting of the day I've already thought to write a letter to you. And when the school is gonna end, i wrote it, after a lot of process. I thought my friends would support me in writing the letter. I thought. "I thought" this word always comes out from people when they know they're in wrong but they just want themselves to be correct and they live in denial. Yes, i've used "i thought" a lot of times ever since then. I knew it was wrong to pen down how i truly feel, but in the end i did. My friends was stopping me to do so. They snatched the paper, they almost tore it. I took back the paper and started tearing while saying this,"I do bother, i repeatedly tell you all that i don't bother, but every second I'm thinking about it. I DO BOTHER! Please, just let me write. It would be the last time, really..." My friends kept quiet for a moment and said this,"But if you wanna forget about it, you should not bother." Come on, everyone knows its not easy to forget it. Its really not easy at all. Forgetting about it is even harder than studying for anything. 9934939993499999 harder. You all aren't in my shoe, you all do not have situations like mine, you all have not experienced it before, but i do. I know how it feels, i know how it hurts, i know how pain is it, you all don't. None of you out there would truly know how pain it is. I can just cry out now, typing all these. I was given a limit of space to write down how i truly feel, becos my friends told me that i could only write half a paper. Furthermore, i just don't know how to express how i feel. I srsly don't. When it passed it to you, i don't even dare to look into your eyes, not even your face becos i may just cry again at that moment.

After 3 weeks, i still cried, for you. I thought crying for you, will never happen again, but it happened, and I'm thinking why did that even happen.

My blog contains all the things i want you to know, hoping that maybe, you'd drop by, realise something and make a difference.

Sometimes i just wonder why is it just so hard to forget about a person. Its easy to build up the relationship, its easy to be with the person, its easy to love, its easy do everything, but its just so hard to forget about a person that you love so much. I asked my sister,"How did you forget about him? When you left him, you would think of him every second right? Since every second you're thinking about him, how can you even forget?" My sister said,"Yes, you will think about _____ every second, but soon, it will dilute." I said back,"Its hard, right? :(" My sister said,"It take times, but it hurts." At that moment, i felt like the whole world is against me. It just seems like a damn big rock smashed on me. Ouch. It hurts.

I thought you would understand, i thought you would regret, i thought... Once again i thought. Ha. So ironic.

CONTINUED.
You know everyday, i still live with a life, full of hope. Hoping one day that will happen. Every single day, I'm just hoping for that very one day to happen. I told myself i should not hope for that day to happen, it won't happen. It will not happen. However, no matter how many times I've say "will not happen" to me a lot of times, but i still hope for that very one day to happen, i don't know why. I even gave you hope for that to happen, but there isn't any difference, still. When i know there will not be any difference already, but i still continued giving you hope, continued giving myself hope, living in a life, full of hope just for that very one day to happenn. Why am i so silly?

Its so funny when someone says about something about a person when oneself do. Its just like you(the you can be anyone of you). You bitch about me, you write about me, you told me to keep comments to myself, you tell me full of stupid bullshits, but you don't know that what you're doing is 100% the thing i'm doing. But not even you do it, i do it to. I bitch about you, i do all sorts of stuffs in my blog, in my facebook & everywhere, I've also told you to keep your comments to yourself when I'm bitching about you 24/7. Its funny right? Thats just how God create humans.

Tmrw choir, there is somehow a audition. This time round, not the leaders who is the one who gonna audition us, but the conductor. Its like, O-M-G. How am i gonna stay chill? But i think it will be fine for me? Cos i do it twice a year. Will see how it goes tmrw.

Today something very embarassing in class happened. Mr Tan ask,"So what time do you have to reach school on Friday?" I was so confident, i shouted,"6PM!!!!!!" & the whole class said.... "5.45PM." Okay, fuck, what did i just do to embarrass myself?! Deborah laughed non-stop & so badly. When she calm down, i turned & looked her she start laughing again. IS MY FACE THAT FUNNY? Is it written "Please laugh at me."? WHAT!

& i don't know what i do, someone said this to me... "Jaime, you are always paiseh-ing yourself." Argh, whats wrong with me & the word, paiseh. Fml.

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Afflin Amanda AnneTan Arnee Beverly Denise Eileen Farisah Fiona Genevieve Geraldine Huixian Irene JingYi. JoleneSEAH Kaijun KayXi KC choir LindaLIM Linda Melissa Nadia Natalie Ng Ying NicoleCHAN Noreen RyanPoon SandraYEO Sheryl Sharon Shearin SoniaCHEW Tiffany VenusTan Venus VictoriaAnne Xiao qing XingWen Yun Hsiu Yuliyanti

• The scariest person.
• Imperfection.
• Everything will be the same.
• Bye. :/
• I can stand up with my two feets now. :)
• Avoiding.
• Mummy, it's over.
• Liar liar pants on fire.
• I shall forget the love you've given me, becos you...
• Omg.

Jaime!