Firstly I wanna say how cool is it that I am blogging with iPhone. Haha, now, I am actually trying to stop crying. Lifting my head & letting the tears go back. However, it's too much that it is flowing from my side of my eyes. But, I still gotta say this! I AM FINE. :) even I'm not, I gotta be fine. This matter can't bring me down so much, soon, it'll be fine, right? Time heals the wound! The cut in my heart, will be healed! It will.
It seems like I've finally made up my mind. I made up my mind. Finally, after
2months of hurts & pain. I decided to stop the hurt that I am getting & she is getting everyday. & to stop it, it is to let go. I should have been ready for it since the day I begin my friendship with anyone. So why am I still getting so affected by it? That's probably called. The power of love. Lol, I am rubbishing now. :S wow, my tears finally stopped flowing down from my eyes & I feel so better after crying out soooooooooo much!
I admit I'm still sad, i admit i don't feel any happiness at all if i let go of the friendship, i admit i can just breakdown anytime, i admit i do not want to let go of the friendship even you are suffering, i admit that i still want you by my side, i admit that i am selfish, i admit that i don't want to continue the journey without you. But, i just can't bear to see you so sad every single day, so tired every single day & living in fear everyday. Since the day you said we was fine, i know it won't be fine at all. & yes, its correct, its not fine. However, i thought by not saying anything, just let it be natural everything will soon be back to normal. The answer back to me is NO. I have to do something to stop hurting you. To stop it was just to let go of you.
You're online now, i kept clicking on your name. The conversation appeared right in front of my eyes. Thinking if i should talk to you not, however, through many attemps, i still closed it. I dont know what should i do now. I feel so lost, confused, vexed, sad & scared... I don't know why i am scared. Its just... I always say let you go, & you really leave me, i really wonder... How will the following days of my life will be? Thinking of it, just gives a shock, gives me a jump, gives me a drop of tear. Why is it like that..? I just deleted the comment i made on her status... Ha.
One week, full of joys, full of laughters, full of hugs, full of smiles, full of photos to capture the happiness. Is that enough, to end this friendship..? I'm afraid after enjoying it, i cannot accept the fact that thats the end of everything. I'm afraid of the every single moves i am making.
Today by not thinking of the emotions it had brought to me, i made myself to do lots of stuffs. Doing homework, playing games, sms many people, watch tv, fight with my sister, go shopping & eat. It occupies my mind & time to even go think about the emotions. However, i guess i have to face it.. Very soon..
The following posts will be full of memories & all of the past. So.. Its time for editing of photos & gather all of the photos. After that, i don't think there will be any to talk about unless the "one week" would happen.
I love you forever, & ever. If you need me anytime, i'll be there. :)
JaimeNgJingWen
Sweet 16. Singing is my passion. Shopping is my hobby. Kpop is my love.
Jaime Ng
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- Words can't bring me down.
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- If you never know.
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- Love. ♥
- To be strong isn't easy.
- Sandra's star day.
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- Liife.
Jaime!