To be strong isn't easy.
I found out i am always here, typing when i am feeling upset. & before i type, i will think of a lot of words & statements that reflect on how i feel currently. But when i am in front of the computer, i am lost.
Have you ever come across when you know that when you do something, you'll get hurt, but you still wanna do it? & through many attempts of doing something you know you'll get hurt & you know its not worth getting hurt becos of it, you tell yourself its nothing & start to act like you're so strong but actually inside your heart, you feel like shit? & just to make yourself feel better, you use methods like thinking of reasons just to make everything
seems ok.
Hmm, that actually just happened to me. But i know that i cannot be affected by what i see becos its not worth it anymore. & i keep using reasons to make myself feel better & keep telling myself that it cannot affect me, its not worth it. Then i will come out with full of reasons just to make myself feel better which actually works. Its kinda tiring to do all this, but if this maintains
something & don't make me feel so terrible, i think its worth it for MYSELF.
Its somehow cool that you are comforting yourself. :) Sometimes it really works much better than your friends comforting you. You may find it stupid to comfort yourself at times, you may find it so lonely when you comfort yourself at times, you may find it unloved when you comfort yourself at times, you may find it terrible to comfort yourself at times, but it somehow just works better than any other people.
Falling in love is easy, but letting go someone you fell in love with for years, its hard. Falling in love is not nice, but when you get to be with someone you love, the process of building the relationship is extremely nice & memorable. However, forgetting those memories are hard & painful.
Things are happening repeatedly everyday in my life, like going to school & study when i do not listen at all in class & just sleep on the table for hours. Going home, not knowing anything, how great can life be? :) Ha.